she woke up with a sticky ear
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
