Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
