My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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