took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
