Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
