Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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