Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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