his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
