i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
