Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
