Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize