So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
