Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
