Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i think i have two assholes
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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