she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I will be naked everywhere
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
