Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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