he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
