I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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