I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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