please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
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what if every blade of grass was a penis?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
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I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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