I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
