tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
