mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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