so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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