Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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