so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
