lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
