whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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