glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
