I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
