That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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