Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
