I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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