Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
