I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
