So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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