Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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