how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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