Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
