took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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