Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
