i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
