Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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