I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Randomize
