But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
