Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
