I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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