I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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