Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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