I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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