thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
