If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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