I cockslap morals
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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