return my video game
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
