How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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