I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
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