Where are you?
In a non slutty way
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
