Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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