Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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