The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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