We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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