I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
