i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
