im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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